Brene Brown’s video on YouTube about “Shame & What Gets In The Way” is brilliant. She says we are all hustling for worthiness. People don’t like the word “Shame” because it is uncomfortable, not joyful. Shame is the most primitive human affect. If you don’t feel shame, you have no capacity for human connection or empathy. You are never good enough and think, who do you think you are?
Shame is shame. It doesn’t pick a gender. We can be resilient by understanding shame and what triggers it and be able to tell your story. If you can talk about your shame, you will have more authenticity, a deep sense of love and belonging. The difference is worthiness. We are worthy of love and belonging. The difference between shame vs guilt is “I am bad” vs “I did something bad.” Or, “I am stupid.” Vs “I did something stupid.”
Unfortunately, we are raising kids who have no tolerance for discomfort. We need to teach our kids to be able to understand the difference between perfectionism and healthy striving. Perfectionism is thinking, “If I live perfect, I can avoid blame and shame.” Healthy striving is doing the best that you can, knowing you will not be perfect, that you will make mistakes but that you will learn from those mistakes.
