I have always believed that “nobody is perfect.” However, that is not what my body remembers when I make a mistake. Whenever I make a mistake my body goes into freeze mode. Sometimes I am able to say to myself, “Nobody is perfect. It’s okay to make a mistake. What can I learn from this?” Then I can try to learn about my mistake.
I love the quote, “Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.” I found this quote on LinkedIn from www.Goodmorningquote.com. I am especially grateful for quotes like this that remind me of my fallible human self.
I am presently reading’My Grandmother’s Hands’ by Resmaa Menakem. It’s about racialized trauma and the pathway to mending our hearts and bodies. The book talks to all American people and I certainly include myself in this category.
So far I have understood that when my body goes into freeze mode, it’s preventing my brain to take charge. Menakem writes about clean pain and dirty pain. “Clean pain is pain that mends and can build your capacity for growth… Experiencing clean pain enables us to engage our integrity and tap into our body’s inherent resilience and coherence, in a way that dirty pain does not. Paradoxically, only by moving through it, and metabolizing it – can we grow.”
“Dirty pain is the pain of avoidance, blame, and denial. When people respond from their most wounded parts, become cruel or violent, or physically or emotionally run away, they experience dirty pain.”
It is my goal to experience the clean pain and become conscious of the freeze state of my traumatic events and move into healing and strength of being able to articulate my discomfort when it occurs. I know this will not be easy but it will be educational and therapeutic. I will need to repeat the words, It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s how we learn, and mobilize my brain when faced with situations that are uncomfortable.